Grey Instrumental

Some people around me are aware of the fact that I decided to begin the difficult journey of writing a book. In the beginning I just fooled around with the idea of being able to do this, that anyone would not laugh me out about it, or that this could open something up for me. The idea is no longer one that I am just debating on doing, it is now in progress.

I would like to say it is going great but that’s not really something I can say. I’d like to say that in the past month that I’ve been working on it that I have a substantial amount down that add up to chapters but realistically I’ve just been bouncing around from subject to subject.

So what is 100,000 miles about? It’s about my life, mainly the past 6 years, and the years before that. It’s about who I am, where I’ve been and the lessons I’ve learned. The name of it being 100,000 Miles is about the lessons I learned while driving around in a 1996 Subaru Legacy L for three years. And those lessons were plentiful. Despite the fact that this is a book about myself and my life it’s been much more difficult to write down and relive some of those moments even harder is that in the back of my mind there are certain people who have already stated they want to read it. It’s one thing to admit the hard truths about some things I’ve seen or done and a whole other thing to admit it to those around me who have been around me during those times or are just curious as to what really happened.

Even though those struggles are before me it is still something I feel I need to do. I don’t expect this to really get anywhere but around to those who are interested, don’t expect it to land on the desk of some publisher and then pushed forward and parts of me doesn’t feel I’d ever be comfortable doing that. However, in the end this something that needs to be done, let out, and read to those whose lives were effected by the mass amount of poor choices and immaturity I’ve displayed over the years.  Who knows maybe someone out there can learn from what I’ve done and be able to skip making those same choices and be in a better position in their lives.

The way I begin writing is basically as simple as sitting down at my computer and just begin typing. Usually. I’ve found it’s easier for me to put on my headphones and just listen to some music streaming from my grooveshark account and just let the words flow from my finger tips right to the correct keys and begin unraveling the story before me. There, however, are times I get stuck and need to be able to get the strength or motivation to move forward especially if the part I am reliving is something incredibly difficult. This is where the soundtrack of 100,000 Miles comes in.

These are those certain songs that help me keep motivated, give me the push or just help set me back in the emotions I need to keep writing about what went on during that time.

Unkle feat. Gavin Clark – Falling Stars:

Run run run till you think you're made
Run run run till you're told you're safe
Run run run till you're overcome
Run run run you're the only one

This song could honestly just be the theme song to my life as running is all that I’ve ever done. Whether it did anything good or just made things worse running from everything and everyone is all I seem to ever do and that drive to still want to run is in me more now than ever.

Barenaked Ladies – Long Way Back Home:

It's a long way back home
To just about anywhere
'Cause once through the door
We're not even halfway there

This song strikes “home” for me because of everything that has gone on in my life I never really had that feeling of having a “home” anywhere. So the part of the song that is above really brings that out for me.

Elton John  - Rocket Man:

And I think it's gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I'm a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone

I think it’s the line above that really speaks to me in this song. Because while some people had an idea of what was going on with me and what was happening still people had no idea or a clue to the absolute ugly truth of it. So for that I wasn’t the same person they saw me as on the outside.

Linkin Park – Waiting For The End:

The hardest part of ending is starting again.

The first time I ever heard this song I could immediately relate to every part of the lyrics. “I know how it feels to lie, all I want to do is trade my life for something new.” The line above is what rings true more so now than when I first heard it. That past of me, the way I was living my life has to end. And now I have to start over with something all new and learning from all that I’ve done. And that is proving to be more difficult than I have ever realized.

Lupe Fiasco – Beautiful Lasers:

Gun on my table telling me to come home
Telling me to to put him inside my hand
Then put it up right next to my dome
Door keep telling me to find a reason
Anything to keep me from squeezing
Simplest things, yea you really like summer
You really like music, you really like reading, love
I can't win if it's me against me

This one to me is about the struggle to stay alive or give in and end the life around me. It’s a struggle and one that has been present in my life for as long as I can remember. One that is going on still but as I am trying to turn things around I have a lot more battle in me to stay on the better side of things.

Trading Yesterday – Shattered:

And I’ve lost who I am
And I can't understand
Why my heart is so broken
Rejecting your love
Without love gone wrong

This song signifies the plight that I have had in not turning away from God. To accepting him, allowing him into my life, and trusting his love in all that it is I do. Because, let’s face it, without him I wouldn’t be where I am today, accepting the wrongs I have done, and being able to move forward with this life I have.

Brandon Heath – Wait And See:

There is hope for me yet
Because God won't forget
All the plans He's made for me
I'll have to wait and see
He's not finished with me yet

This is another song that pretty much coincides with the last song. It’s another reminder that God isn’t done with me yet and that if I stick with him I will become who it is he wants me to become. And that, more so right now, is an awesome feeling to know that my past doesn’t have to define me but is just a stepping stone to where I am meant to go.

Trip Lee – Prognosis:

I was mentally ill, I was futile in mind;
Darkened in my understanding, was a student of crime.
Havin' eyes, couldn't see, cuz I was truthfully blind.
Having ears, couldn't hear, but couldn't do any signs.
Throat was an open grave, tongue used for the lies.
Snake venom under-lips, which I would use to divide.
Had chips on my shoulders was wounded inside.
Both my lungs collapsed; inhaled a second hand pride.
Below the waist, was just more of the same.

Another that goes along the same lines. Without allowing God into my life and allowing him to lead the direction I was meant to go in, I was dying. And by refusing the treatment, of allowing him into my life, I was creating great havoc of my life and those that I love around me.

Lupe Fiasco – Never Forget You:

We put you in the ground, but I see you in the stars
Go'n, take a bow, a round of applause
The best dad ever, always ready we are
Love always shines, that's how I'll find you
In case you forgot, I hope this reminds you

This is a song that as soon as I heard it had me remembering my grandfather who passed away in July of 2005. His role in my life was of great importance so it was no surprise that his loss caused great hurt as well. But as the years and time went on I realized a lot that I surrounded within that time to be able to work on moving on and move on for the better in order to keep his memory alive.

Kristian Leontiou – Story Of My Life:

The title and the lyrics make this one pretty self explanatory.

Justin Hines – Say What You Will:

All the time that I was holding back
Just trying to protect myself
I want you to know
I loved you more then that

Fiction Plane – If Only:

I have no blade, I’m more like a feather
But I can’t fly away when I’m fighting myself

Yes, this is the song that was to the movie “Holes.” But it’s another where the lyrics reflect towards my life. Just another song I can relate to about feeling like your life is being held down by your past.

Genesis – No Son Of Mine:

They say that time is a healer
and now my wounds are not the same
I rang that bell with my heart in my mouth
I had to hear what he'd say

This is a song that plays a huge part in my life concerning the situation between myself and my Dad for me. It’s never been a great relationship and at times I am not even sure if you can call what we have together a relationship. And despite the amount of times I’ve said I was done and not going back time and time again I have. Even after having been essentially kicked out that family. That is why this song hits home for me.

Barenaked Ladies – When I Fall:

I wish I could fly
From this building
From this wall
And if I should try
Would you catch me if I fall?

The lyrics above basically tell why this song is a foundation for me right now. Because of the multiple times I have jumped when I thought I should it’s all turned to disaster really but now that I am trying to turn things around and better myself and my life I guess it’s a question as to whether or not anyone would catch me when I fall.

Relient K – For The Moments I Feel Faint:

I throw up my hands
"Oh, the impossibilities"
Frustrated and tired
Where do I go from here?
Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly
Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fear

Another lyric in this song is “Never underestimated my Jesus”, which is something I really need to stop doing especially in the moments where I feel that the struggle ahead of me is impossible to come out alive from.

Unkle Feat. Gavin Clark – Broken:

We’re miles adrift; inches away.

The first time I ever heard this song was sitting in a movie theater watching the ending credits to The X-Files IWTB movie but after some massive overplay done by me I’ve come to be able to take something personal from the song. I guess the personal story for me behind it is one between myself and my relationship with God. The top line drives that home as where I want to be with him is far from where I should be but at the same time during some of the hardest times in my life he’s always been right there for me. It’s a work in progress for me and one that has to come together. The reality of what happens if it doesn’t is far more scarier than I care to think about.

Brandon Heath – I’m Not Who I Was:

Found us in a photograph
I saw me and I had to laugh
You know, I'm not who I was
You were there, you were right above me
And I wonder if you ever loved me
Just for who I was

I originally related to this song as one that reflects the situation between myself and my Dad. I even went as far as earlier this year to sending him a letter outlining that ‘I’m not who I was’ back then and added a file to this song for him to listen to. I can’t honestly say if he ever did listen to it. Or really allowed what I wrote to him to sink in. But, nonetheless, this song really relates to that situation for me and also the situation before me as I am trying to tell those around me, those that I love, that I am not who I was. However, I am wise enough now after all these years to realize that saying it and meaning it are a whole other thing on it’s own. Which, I suppose, is a lot of the reasons behind writing 100,000 Miles in an effort to be completely honest with those around me about the events in my life, the truth behind them and what I was really feeling. And to also show them who I was then but that it’s not who I am now.

Johnny Cash – God’s Gonna Cut You Down:

For me this song rings true in the way that I already stated that it seems all I do is run from the issues that lay before me. But this song is one that snaps me back into reality in the fact that I can keep running but eventually God is going to catch me and cut me down. There’s no escaping that and realizing that while imputing that into my life is fundamental.

Barenaked Ladies – I Have Learned:

I have learned to live with livin' with
Every choice we've made
But I would love to live with givin' this
Shaky voice some shade

Just pretty much what the lyrics above resonate is that I am learning to live with the choices I’ve made in my life, to never repeat them and to grab the lessons that are within them and apply them to today’s life.

Unkle feat. Gavin Clark – Heaven

Heaven's here for me and you
scattered out with pearls
Heaven's here for me and you
we gained ourselves the world

I’m entirely sure where this song really fits in like the rest except that it seems anytime I get really stuck with writing or come to the moment where I feel like this is just a waste and nothing something I should be doing this song just really gives me the energy to get back right into it and keep on pushing down with what I’ve already got.

Steve Jablonsky – It’s Our Fight:

There are no lyrics to this but just the instrumental, the build up, and the way it all just works together is always much needed during my times of writing to give me that push and to keep me motivated. It has a nice mesh of darkness and brightness to it that seems to really work around the way reliving moments of my past work their way to come out.

And that for the most part is the “soundtrack” to my writing of 100,000 Miles and no less as I continue to trek on with writing it there will be more to come out as I go on and keep searching for ways to relate to things going on and while I struggle with just having to relive some of my most horrendous ordeals that I put before me. And while there will be moments and days in which I feel just like scraping all of this and not going any further I also hope to continue to find the strength and signs within to be able to keep going. Because while it, for the most part, is not a happy story the person I hope to be at the end of it all and who I hope to grow into further just from retelling it all and letting others inside a part of my life that I’ve kept hidden for so long is someone I know I need to be and not continue to be who I was.

100,000 Miles is the story of my life and since music has always played a huge role in my life it only seems to make sense to include some of the music that has really made a profound mark in my life and while I struggle to keep on writing.

With that…

May this journey continue.

The Hood Internet

DMX Vs. The XX - The XX Gon' Give It To Ya

Omarion Vs. Mylo - Drop The Icebox Pressure

Phil Collins Vs. Yelle - In The Air Ce Soir

Passion Pit Vs. Juvenile - Back That Sleepyhead Up

Modest Mouse Vs. Kanye West - Floating Paranoia

Paper Route Gangstaz Vs. Animal Collective - Animals Collecting Money

15:1 Then Moses and the Israelites sang this song to the Lord. They said,
“I will sing to the Lord, for he has triumphed gloriously,
the horse and its rider he has thrown into the sea.
15:2 The Lord is my strength and my song,
and he has become my salvation.
This is my God, and I will praise him,
my father’s God, and I will exalt him.
15:3 The Lord is a warrior,
the Lord is his name.
15:4 The chariots of Pharaoh and his army he has thrown into the sea,
and his chosen officers were drowned in the Red Sea.
15:5 The depths have covered them,
they went down to the bottom like a stone.
15:6 Your right hand, O Lord, was majestic in power,
your right hand, O Lord, shattered the enemy.
15:7 In the abundance of your majesty you have overthrown
those who rise up against you.
You sent forth your wrath;
it consumed them like stubble.
15:8 By the blast of your nostrils the waters were piled up,
the flowing water stood upright like a heap,
and the deep waters were solidified in the heart of the sea.
15:9 The enemy said, ‘I will chase, I will overtake,
I will divide the spoil;
my desire will be satisfied on them.
I will draw my sword, my hand will destroy them.’
15:10 But you blew with your breath, and the sea covered them.
They sank like lead in the mighty waters.
15:11 Who is like you, O Lord, among the gods?
Who is like you? – majestic in holiness, fearful in praises, working wonders?
15:12 You stretched out your right hand,
the earth swallowed them.
15:13 By your loyal love you will lead the people whom you have redeemed;
you will guide them by your strength to your holy dwelling place.
15:14 The nations will hear and tremble;
anguish will seize the inhabitants of Philistia.
15:15 Then the chiefs of Edom will be terrified,
trembling will seize the leaders of Moab,
and the inhabitants of Canaan will shake.
15:16 Fear and dread will fall on them;
by the greatness of your arm they will be as still as stone
until your people pass by, O Lord,
until the people whom you have bought pass by.
15:17 You will bring them in and plant them in the mountain of your inheritance,
in the place you made for your residence, O Lord,
the sanctuary, O Lord, that your hands have established.
15:18 The Lord will reign forever and ever!

Now, I'm a fan of all genres of music. Whether it bet rock, rap, country, classical, ambient, film scores or even dubstep I'm a fan. If it wasn't for music I wouldn't have half the life I have to keep moving on through some either great days or some of the worst. Music is something that seems to be a common comfort among people with Asperger's so it's no surprise that it's a huge comfort for myself as well.

To me music can give me energy when I feel I'm lacking it, if I'm uncomfortable just throwing on my headphones and turning on my mp3 player can get me back at a better level than I am at. To me music is like having someone in my corner waiting there for me, supporting me and keeping me going.

Right now I am going through a personal struggle revolving around my relationship with Christ. I've become under the realization of where I am going wrong and knowing that my life or my heart is not completely where it should be. So it is music right now that is keeping me with that focus and helping me further what I am searching for. Which is where Christian music is coming in to be in my corner.

But when I say Christian music I'm not talking about what is usually thought of or heard. It's not the sweet sounds and harmony of soothing instruments with equally thought provoking lyrics. Instead, this stuff has a harder beat to it the lyrics are intense. And yet, it's that person in the corner that I am in need of right now to help me with my quest.

Now I will say that this is rap but unless you've heard Christian rap I ask that you do not overlook this. It's different and it's intense.

First one is Flame's 'Tonight':

Next up to share is one that I just recently stumbled upon but speaks to how I am faltering.

It's Sho Baraka's Me, Myself, and I:


Another song from Flame that works as a good song when you're in need of a strong push. Flame's 'When You Step':


Another song for when you're in need of a push is 116 Clique's version of 'No More' with Tedashii & Lecrae.


From 116 Clique with Lecrae & Trip Lee another good one is 'Cash or Christ/Fanatic' Now Cash or Christ is a song by Trip Lee and Fanatic is a song by Lecrae but 116 Clique put those two songs that are their own are very good songs and created this. This song has heart but I must say it really picks up the most at 2:51 with Lecrae peaking in with Fanatic.



Getting away from songs that push you and more towards songs that are just about praising Christ is another from Flame called 'See Him More':






To Live Is Christ from Trip Lee talks about Philippians. Very good to listen to the lyrics and the message that comes with it. This also has to be one of my favorite videos for any of these songs I've seen yet.


Following that is another from Trip Lee with 'We Told Them'. Which is another one that brings out a powerful message in it's own. A lot of us say that we're Christians but the way we live our lives or the way we walk just aren't enough to really show those around us that we are in fact Christians. If anything it's just words coming out of our mouths. And most times it's done just to make ourselves feel good about who we think we are but as it's been said actions speak louder than words and it's important that if we are going to say we're Christians then we must be Christians and not just tell others so, we have to show them.


Being a Christian isn't easy there are times that will push us, pull us and cause us to wonder and have doubt in Christ. He's aware of this but what we need to be aware of is that despite the fact that we go through our plights and begin to falter he is still there. He's near us and with us every step of the way. Which is where Lecrae's song 'Far Away' can really help during moments of being unsure or in doubt, or just feeling like we're in this alone.

Now this song was originally written and used to help raise funds and awareness for Haiti relief but the lyrics are so powerful that you can't help but apply them into your own life or your own world.



'Sound' is another song from 116 Clique with Trip Lee. It speaks about the letter that Paul wrote to Titus. This one is a lot like 'To Live Is Christ' in that it's worth to listen closely to the lyrics and learn something from it.


Next is 'Transformer' from Tedashii. Which is a song that talks about the change we go through when we give ourselves up to God. That our old ways and who we were before are no longer with us and we move on to become something better. But that change isn't something that came from just inside of us but came from God and following him in his ways. It is also a change that seems to continuously keep going.


Last song is an old favorite of mine. It was the first Christian Rap song that I had heard and the lyrics in it really stuck me to and had me hooked pretty quickly to CR. Not to mention to Lecrae who raps this song called 'Prayin' For You'. It's a song that the emotions of it were at the time how I exactly felt. Quite honestly, I felt like Lecrae was rapping about me. It was the ending of the song which really brought it all home for me. The song is really nothing more than a guy praying for a friend and this prayer is one that I keep with me through it all.



That is what I'll end this with now. Except for this last video. It's not so much a song despite the fact that you do get about 40 seconds of one in the middle. This is a video I was led to the other day while trying to hunt down different CR artists. It's from Buck Barnabas, now before finding this video I had never heard of Buck but I feel blessed to have been led to hear his music because it ranks up there with Lecrae, Trip Lee, Tedashii, and Flame. The lyrics are all though-provoking and the beats lay it out in a way that keep you moving.

The video is called 'Who Is Buck Barnabas?'. The video only really tells you a little bit about who Buck is but the message that can be grasped at from the video is more important I think. I will warn you though that it's a very intense video. There is a warning that due to the graphic nature of some of the scenes that discretion is advised.



And that is the majority of what is shuffling along in my Mp3 player at this point in time. There is a lot more that I could ad but figured I would just stick with the songs and the lyrics that are really impacting me and helping me keep focused on my quest right now. I can only hope that someone out there really gives these tracks a chance and hear them out like I did. Then become hooked on to Christian Rap like I have become because its a wonderful journey from hearing a song, liking the beat and then separating the lyrics. There's a powerful message in all of these tracks and they can help you get through whatever it is you're going through but more importantly it can draw you closer to God. Which is where it all begins and ends.

The other day I decided to get my Christmas shopping started and hopefully done. I prepared myself from the start that I would be ambushed in various stores, waiting through horrendously long lines and slowly losing any Christmas cheer I had before I went.

Unfortunately, no matter how much prep-work I endured and went through I forgot one major factor that would help me survive Christmas shopping. I forgot to tag along my Mp3 player.

With that I didn’t have any Deadmau5 or Linkin Park to keep me calm while waiting in various lines and trying to bypass crowds of people. Instead I was stuck listening to the noise of everyone around and multiple Christmas tunes that bellowed out of the speakers around me.

When I got home I quickly got on my computer and brought up my Grooveshark desktop and began relieving the stress that my ears were under with different types of music.

So if you’re heading out to start, finish, or attempt your Christmas shopping or if you’re just getting back from surviving it give these tunes a listen and relax.

Now the first couple of songs are “Christmas” tunes just with a little twist. I figured that while I was aggravated from the shopping experience I still needed to keep my Christmas cheer in tact and decided to go with these tunes to keep that up before moving on to something less Christmas.

First up is BogTroTTeR’s version of the Nutcracker…in dubstep.



Not much to really say about that song. You’ve got the Nutcracker and you’ve got Dubstep. It’s just perfect.

Next up isn’t as great of a Christmas tune as BogTroTTeR’s was but it’s still up there with your not ever day Christmas tune and therefore hasn’t been overplayed till your ears begin to bleed.

It’s called Dubstep Snowman:


And that is all I have for Christmas tunes worthy of a listen to at this moment in time.

Now all we have left is music to listen to while you unwind from surviving Christmas shopping.

First up is one of my favorites from DeadMau5 called Ghosts N Stuff. It doesn't really put you in the Christmas mood but at the same time you just survived Christmas shopping how much more Christmas do you need?


And the rest are all just random tunes that have gotten me de-stressed from Surviving Christmas shopping. Now all I need is a playlist to help me survive Christmas!

Byzantine Beatbox - River Crossing. * A really mellow tune.


Deadmau5 - Strobe Remix


Rolling Stones - Gimme Shelter Remix


Dj StarScream - Transformers Decepticon Remix


Linkin Park - We Made It (WaveCut's DnB Bootleg) [Instrumental Version]


And there you have the playlist that saved me after I survived Christmas shopping. May the rest of you be just as safe out there!

**As always, no copyright infringement intended. If any of this music is yours and you wish for it to be removed let me know by leaving a comment and it will be removed ASAP.